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This is just bizarre. Who came up with this ?
See more here.
Change can be wonderful. People improve their appearance, improve their marriages, get great new jobs, even great new spouses. Plus, dear little babies become adorable toddlers, and pretty soon the toddlers can read and then they’re having a really nice Sweet Sixteen and their skin clears up and they never talk to you, they fall in love with people you wouldn’t allow in your house if you had a choice and they move far away and you rarely get to see the grandchildren.
That’s what change is for a lot of us—stuff you have to pretend to embrace even as your heart sinks; you know it’s going to end badly and you already feel the inevitable loss. The other awful thing about change is that we want it as much as we fear it and we need it as much as we need safety. I hate my marriage but I’m afraid of being alone. I’m sick of being a lawyer but I don’t know how to do anything else.
Good news: It doesn’t matter whether you like change or not, whether you embrace it or run in the opposite direction. Not only will changes be taking place, they will be taking place all the time, with and without your participation, from the mouse-sized (they no longer make your favorite suntan lotion) to elephant-sized (death, divorce, and disability). It turns out that even if you make no changes in your lousy marriage, your stultifying job, or your painful relationship with your brother, all those things will change anyway. Your only choice is to take steps toward change (you don’t have to quit the job or the marriage all of a sudden), or to wait and see what surprises the universe has for you as you cling to what you thought was safety.
Mostly, change is as inevitable as rain in the spring. Some of us just put on our raincoats and splash forward, some of us choose to stay home, a few admirable nuts shed their clothes and cavort in the yard, and some people go out and get deeply, resentfully, and miserably wet. And no matter what, the rain falls. It falls on dry grass, which is the kind of change we love, and it falls, too, on June weddings and the day you began the Appalachian Trail. Sylvia Boorstein is a Jewish grandmother, a psychotherapist, and a Buddhist, which signifies to me that she must know something about complaining (even quietly) and accepting (not just pretending to). She writes: “We can struggle, or we can surrender. Surrender is a frightening word for some people, because it might be interpreted as passivity, or timidity. Surrender means wisely accommodating ourselves to what is beyond our control. Getting old, getting sick, dying, losing what is dear to us…is beyond our control. I can either be frightened of life and mad at life—or not. I can be disappointed and still not be mad.” People get old, plans change, red wine spills on your great-grandmother’s tablecloth—there isn’t any other way.
It seems to me that the absolute star of accepting change is the Dalai Lama, the easy, gentle master of living in the moment and understanding that life is nothing but transition. My sister is not the Dalai Lama; no one has ever gotten them confused. My sister’s approach to change, although not approved by the International Council for the Happy-Go-Lucky, is novel and effective.
Me: Hi, it’s me. I just wanted to let you know that x (a member of my side of our extended family) wants to bring someone to Thanksgiving/Passover/anything.
She: Oh. S***. The table will be so crowded.
Me: Umm…
She: It’ll be awful. People will be sitting on the patio, practically.
Me: Umm…
She: I’m not making something vegan, dammit.
Me: Umm…
She: Is he/she nice?
Me: Yes.
She: Are they in love?
Me: Looks that way.
She: [ Pause ] Okay.
Me: Okay? It’s okay?
She: [ Sweetly ] Well, of course. [ Patiently ] There’s plenty of room.
So, maybe, there’s an alternative to beatific acceptance of change. Maybe a little grousing helps. Maybe some frank grumbling smooths the way for some genuine acceptance. Maybe the trick is to acknowledge that change is sometimes wonderful, sometimes not, often disturbing, and always happening. Then, make room at the table.
My sister, the Dolly Lama.
By Amy Bloom
10 Things Dr. Oz Knows for Sure
During the past 10 years, I went from being a doctor to being a doctor/Oprah guest/book author/TV host, and in the process, I’ve learned a lot about my viewers, my patients, and myself:
1. The latest thing isn’t always the greatest thing. I work at a cutting-edge hospital, but I also put stock in ancient remedies like treating burns with silver (long known as an antibiotic) or healing surgical wounds using leeches (yes, hospitals continue to do this). If it’s still used today, the practice likely has some merit or it would have died off long ago.
2. Change is possible—but only if you believe it. The more we learn about genetics and disease, the more we realize that DNA isn’t nearly as important as lifestyle. People think that if their parents had heart disease or were overweight, they’re doomed to the same fate. But you can change your health—if you commit yourself to making good choices.
3. We regret the actions we don’t take more than the ones we do. A few years ago, I appeared on Oprah with Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon professor dying of pancreatic cancer. He told me that he had recently taken his family on a trip to Discovery Cove to swim with dolphins. It was something that he’d always wanted to do, but it wasn’t until he was dying that he made it happen. The next day, I booked the same trip with my family. If there’s something on your wish list for life, make plans today to do it.
4. Hosting a TV show is not that different from doing open-heart surgery. In both the TV studio and the operating room, you depend on highly skilled professionals doing their jobs correctly so you can excel at yours. As a team leader, I recognize that each player—from the anesthesiologist to the camera operator—is better at what they do than I would ever be, and I appreciate their ability to make me look better.
5. To achieve your goals, make the right thing to do the easy thing to do. I recently replaced the couch in front of my TV with a stationary bike. Now I can pedal while viewing my favorite shows (like House). Since the average American watches more than 30 hours of TV per week, it could mean a lot of activity for your body, with little inconvenience. 6. Knowledge does not lead to change—understanding does. If I tell you, “There were a million heart attacks last year”—unless you’re one of those million, you don’t care. But if I can show you a picture of an artery, and you can see the plaque rupturing—now the heart attack isn’t abstract, it’s a real story. And you’re much more likely to take care of your own heart, because you don’t want that same story to affect you.
7. Going to bed 30 minutes earlier will change your life. I spent years surviving long hospital rotations on little sleep, and I learned that if I don’t get seven hours of shut-eye a night, I won’t perform well the next day. Less than half of Americans over age 50 get enough sleep, but if you make it a priority, I guarantee that you’ll have more energy, less stress, and (most important for a doctor) a clear head.
8. If you want a healthier community, fight for it. I used to ride my bike across the bridge from New Jersey to Manhattan every morning. I noticed that many bikers stopped riding during the winter, in part because you had to haul your bicycle up and down a flight of 50 stairs on each side of the bridge. So we petitioned for a new bike path that didn’t involve stairs—and got it. We all have the power to improve the health of our community, whether it’s getting better bike lanes, more sidewalks, or a farmers’ market that sells fresh produce.
9. Better patients make better doctors. People are often hesitant to challenge their doctor, but a good patient is someone who raises her hand and says, “I don’t understand this” or “This isn’t working for me.” Your physician will be able to take the knowledge she gains from your open, honest dialogue and pass it on to the next person she treats.
10. It’s not about living longer—it’s about living better. I once had a patient who was in danger of having a heart attack if he didn’t change his habits. So he changed them. At his next checkup I congratulated him on adding years to his life, but he said, “That’s not why I did it. I just wanted to feel better.” The idea of living into your 80s or 90s is nice, but what really motivates people to make a change is having a healthy body today. By Mehmet Oz, MD
If you thought Lady Gaga would tolerate performing on an ordinary, earthly set when she headlines Lollapalooza this summer, you of course were mistaken. The event’s founder, Perry Farrell, has reportedly commissioned a custom-made set for Gaga that will cost about $150,000. “We’re bringing a special stage for her, investing like a hundred grand to house what she’s doing,” he said. “That’s massive. Only Lady Gaga could step in and say ‘I’m a headliner.’” Of course, this likely is only a fraction of the cost of whatever crystal/3-D/robotic object she’s sure to be wearing in her hair. [Contact Music via Perez Hilton]
By: Josh Duboff
I’ve been in love with her since she was in the televsion show Flipper.
At last night’s premiere of The Killer Inside Me — which stars Casey Affleck as a psycho cop and Jessica Alba as an object of his wrath — there were audible gasps at the graphic violence in the film. In the most brutal scene, Affleck’s character punches Alba repeatedly in the face. Still, the actress says the violence is actually a “glossy” take on the moments in the novel (by Jim Thompson) that the film is based on. She also denied rumors that she had left the screening at Sundance because she couldn’t stand to watch the movie: “Absolutely not true. I was originally just meant to come in a few minutes and support the movie. My daughter and husband were sick at home and there was no one to take care of them, so I had to get back.”
Affleck recalled the difficulty he had shooting the scene. “We’re all just actors — maybe haven’t thrown a punch in eight years, [and] no one wants to break their hand,” he said. “Most the time I’m hitting a stunt woman — I’m trying really hard to not actually hit her because you feel horrible if you do, but they just take it. And then you feel horrible because you just hit this woman in the face.”
By: Charles Thorp
A few months back it was brought to our attention that Kanye West would be guesting on Family Guy spinoff The Cleveland Show, playing Kenny West, an aspiring rapper that bullies young Cleveland Jr. Well, folks, the future is now: check out a clip of Kanye flowing, in animated form, from the show’s May 2 episode. It’s a slightly choppier version of his usual style — plus he has to be mean to Cleveland Jr. in character, which is awkward — but other than that, it’s pretty dope! Seriously, we like “It’s Kenny, sipping Henny, rhymes slicker than Teflon/I still been hot (as stew been hot?) I’m the black Zac Efron” better than any of the rhymes from 808s & Heartbreak.
[2.45 in, and via Nah Right] By: Amos Barshad
